What is love????

When a person experiences love, their whole life changes and they feel two extremes:

1) a sense of joy which can get so extreme where you feel that you can accomplish anything.

2) the second extreme is feeling hopeless, exhausted and sad because the 'other half' isn't there.

The person usually experiences no.1 when they're with the person that they love or after they've met with them, and the person experiences no.2 if they haven't contacted them for a while, or if it had ended.

When a person really has fallen for a person, they feel that their whole life is surrounded around them. They may even obey that person in matters which contradict islaam, which obviously isn't the right thing to do.

There are 4 types of love in islaam:

1) Divine Love - which is specifically for Allaah alone. And none should be loved divinely more than Allaah.

2) Love for the sake of Allaah, which is love for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), the companions and the righteous etc.

3 a) Love of the permissible: wives/husband, children, parents etc.

b) Love of food, water, clothing etc.

4) Love of any other deity besides Allaah, such as something which contradicts what Allah has ordered us to do etc. which isn't permitted.

1) The person has to have divine love for Allaah only, which is compulsory in islaam. It isn't permitted that a person's love for anything else goes against the commandments of Allaah.

2) We also have to love the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) more than we love ourselves - this is needed in order to perfect faith. [check tafsir ibn kathir Qur'an 9:24]

3) The 3rd love is a permissible love but it can either lead to sin [if the person disobeys Allah in order to please the creation] or it can lead to reward if the believer has the intention of pleasing Allah.

4) The 4th love is what stops a disbeliever from coming closer to Allah, it may be something else worshipped instead of Allah, such as an idol, a person, the persons desires etc. We should seek refuge in Allah from this.

Most people who fall into haraam love usually don't understand islaam properly. They might start off with desire, and gradually be played into falling in love with the person. However, one has to realize that no love is real, no love is really lasting - unless it is done for the sake of Allah. This is why love which is done while disobeying Allah is usually broken, ends up in hurt, and both people usually end up as enemies, or go down other evil after this, unless Allah saves them and blesses them in hidaayah (guidance.)

There was a lecture i heard last year, and in this lecture the brother discussed good and bad endings of people.

There was a man who was waiting to go on a date with his girlfriend, i think he was muslim. He was waiting for her somewhere, but for some reason - she was taking a really long time. He was so desperate to meet her, why was she taking so long? After a while, she came. He was WELL HAPPY! He got so happy, he fell down and.. prostrated to her. What? Yeah, he did that.. but guess what? He never got up after that again. He died in that state. May Allaah protect us. You know what's shocking? We will be raised on the day of judgement on the last position we were in.

Here's a good one though.

There was a woman who was getting prepared on her wedding day. The people were putting her makeup on her, her gel and all that women wear on one of their most special days of their life. She finds out its maghrib salaah (prayer.)

"I need to do my wudhu.."

"You've got your makeup on now, you can't do that now.."

"I have to pray salaah!"

She got up and ran to do her wudhu. She washed off her gel, her makeup. Starts praying maghrib salaah.

What's the last thing she does?

She moves her head to the side to finish her prayer; "Asalaamu 'alykum warahmatulah..." the angel takes away her soul. That's the last words that come out from her mouth..

What will happen on the day of Resurrection? We'll be raised up on our last physical action that we did.

Ask yourself - What death do I want? Where do I want to die? How do I want to die?

The difference between Love and a Haraam Relationship

Question: I am a 24 years old girl. I fell in love, no dates, no meetings involved, pure love to a pure religious person. He promised to marry me and asked me to wait for him as his circumstances are difficult. I do not remember that he called me more than once. I asked him not to call me; because I feel this is wrong, although I love him. I felt that our love started going in the direction, he agreed to this feeling, and respected my opinion. He just sends me E-mails every so often via internet, so that I know his news. We have been in this love relationship for one year. I know this person and his family, and they know us well as well. I love him for Allah’s sake and sure he loves me as well. The problem is that I started receiving proposals, about 8 so far. Every time I refuse because I promised to wait for him. Now I am confused, is what I am doing halal or haram? I pray, Alhamdulillah, all obligatory and optional prayers, and pray qiyaam in the night as well; I fear I lose my good deeds because of what I am doing. Is a pure chaste love haram? Is my love to him halal or haram?.
Answer: Praise be to Allaah.
First of all I ask Allaah to guide you and grant you happiness, and I ask Him to increase the numbers of girls like you who are keen to maintain chastity and purity and adhere to the sacred limits of Allaah in their affairs, among the most important of which are emotional relationships that many people take lightly, so they overstep the mark and transgress the sacred limits of Allaah, and Allaah tests them with problems that we read about and hear of, in which there is a lesson for every Muslim and for every wise person.

You should note that correspondence and contact between the sexes is one of the doors that lead to fitnah (temptation). Sharee’ah is filled with evidence which indicates that it is essential to beware of falling into the traps of the shaytaan in this matter. When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw a young man merely looking at a young woman, he turned his head so as to make him look away, then he said: “I saw a young man and a young woman, and I did not trust the shaytaan not to tempt them.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (885) and classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

Hence you did well to cut off contact with this young man, and we hope that you will stop corresponding too, because correspondence is one of the greatest doors to corruption that have been opened for people nowadays. This has been discussed in a number of questions.

This does not mean that it is haraam for a man or woman to like a specific person whom he or she chooses to be a spouse, and feel love for that person and want to marry them if possible. Love has to do with the heart, and it may appear in a person’s heart for reasons known or unknown. But if it is because of mixing or looking or haraam conversations, then it is also haraam. If it is because of previous acquaintance, being related or because of hearing about that person, and one cannot ward it off, then there is nothing wrong with that love, so long as one adheres to the sacred limits set by Allaah.

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

If love develops for a reason that is not haraam, a person cannot be blamed for that, such as one who loves his wife or his slave woman, then he leaves her but that love remains and does not leave him. He is not to be blamed for that. The same applies if he glances accidentally then looks away, but love may settle in his heart without him wanting it to. But he has to ward it off and look away. End quote.

Rawdat al-Muhibbeen (p. 147).

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

A person may hear that a woman is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her. Or a woman may hear that a man is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she may want to marry him. But contact between the two who admire one another in ways that are not Islamically acceptable is the problem, which leads to disastrous consequences. In this case it is not permissible for the man to get in touch with the woman or for the woman to get in touch with the man, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both). But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is what leads to fitnah (temptation). End quote.

Liqaa’aat al-Baab il-Maftooh (26/question no. 13)

Our advice to you is that it is essential to stop corresponding with this young man, and tell him that he has to propose to you through your wali, if he really does want to get married. He should not regard his material circumstances or anything else as a barrier. The matter is simple, in sha Allaah, and if a person is content with little, Allaah will make him independent of means by His grace and bounty. He should at least contact your wali and do the shar’i marriage contract, and if the consummation is delayed there is nothing wrong with that. But if it remains as a promise to get married, ande correspondence continues between you on that basis, this – according to the rulings of sharee’ah and the experience of real life – is a wrong path that opens the door to sin and corruption. You can be certain that you will never find happiness except by obeying Allaah and adhering to the limits set by his sharee’ah. The permissible ways are sufficient and there is no need for haraam means, but we make it hard for ourselves and the shaytaan takes advantage of that.

Your delay in getting married is very harmful for you. You are getting older and this young man’s circumstances are not improving; you are not marrying him and you are not marrying anyone else. Beware of delaying, for that will only cause harm. You should realize that one of these men who have proposed marriage may be more religiously committed and righteous than that young man, and there may be far greater love with him than there is between you and that young man.

And Allaah knows best.

FREE MIXING IN ISLAM

What is permissible and what is not?

What is considered free mixing?

- Men and women are permitted to be in the same place. (i.e. shops, streets etc)
- Men and women should avoid situations where they are crowded together or seated together.
- Repetitive acquaintance should be avoided to prevent familiarity.
- Business like discussion between man and woman is permissible when necessary.

Why is it like this?

- Prevention of intimate relationships developing outside of marriage.
- Prevention of gossip and slander that can destroy relationships and families.
- Prevention of one party "falling in love" and being hurt.
- Prevention of children being born outside of marriage.
- Prevention of families being broken up.

The Evidence

Allah says: "Nor come nigh to adultery".

Allah says: "Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them." and says: "And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty." [Noble Quran 24:30-31]

Allah says: "And when you ask the ladies for anything, ask them from behind a screen. That makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs." [Noble Quran 33:53]

The Prophet (peace be upon him) forbade men and women from being alone together. He said: "Never is a man alone with a woman except that Satan is the third party with them."

The Prophet (peace be upon him) also said: "Do not enter into the company of women." A man then asked him: "What about her male in-laws?" The Prophet (peace be upon him) replied: "The in-law is the most dangerous".

The Prophet (peace be upon him) also said: "It is better for one of you to be pierced by a steel pin in his head than to touch the hand of a strange woman."

Allah says: "Be not too complaisant of speech, lest one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire: but speak with a speech (that is) proper." [Noble Quran 33:32].

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Any woman who puts on perfume then goes and passes by some men to let them find her scent is a type of adulteress." [Musnad Ahmad, Tirmidhi]

Umm Salamah said: "When the Prophet (peace be upon him) completed the prayer, the women would get up to leave. He would then wait awhile before standing." Ibn Shahab said: "I believe that he waited for a while to give the women an opportunity to depart before the men." [Sahih al-Bukhari]

It was related in al-Bukhari that women at the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him) did not circumambulate the Ka'bah along with the men. `A'ishah used to go around the Ka'bah at a good distance from the men and avoided mixing with them. Once another woman bade to her to go forward with her so they could touch the corner of the Ka'bah. `A'ishah refused to do so. [Sahih al-Bukhari]

One of `Ayshah's handmaidens came to her and said: "O Mother of believers, I went around the Ka'bah seven times and touched the corner twice or trice". `Ayshah replied: "May Allah not reward you for pushing your way through men. It would have been sufficient for you to you to say "Allah Akbar" as you passed by". [Musnad al-Shafi'i]

Punishment for Zina

In this life

Fornication is 100 lashes
"The male and female who commit fornication -flog each of them with one hundred lashes, and let not compassion for the two of them keep you from complying with Allah's religion, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a group of believers witness their punishment." [Noble Quran 24:2]

Adultery is death
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "It is not permitted to shed the blood of any Muslim .... Except in three cases: a soul for a soul, the married person who commits adultery, and the one who forsakes his religion..." [Bukhari and Muslim]

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "When someone commits Zina or drinks wine, Allah removes his faith from him, just as a person takes his shirt off over his head"

In the Hereafter

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "On the Day of Resurrection, Allah will not speak to nor look at nor purify three types of people: an old man who commits Zina, a lying king and a vainglorious poor person...."

The Prophet said: "We went on and arrived near a pit which was like and oven, out of which we could hear cries. We glanced into it and naked men and women, who cried out when the flames reached them from below. I asked: 'Who are these, O Gabriel?' He replied, 'Males and females who have committed fornication.'" [Bukhari]

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "If someone commits Zina with a married women, in the grave there will be a punishment on him and on her equal to half the punishment of this Ummah...."

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "The man who has laid his hand with lust on a woman who is not permissible to him will come on the Day of Judgment with his hand tied to his neck. If he kissed her, his lips will be cut in the Fire, and if he had sexual intercourse with her, his private parts will speak against him in the Day of Judgment saying: 'I did what was forbidden.' Allah Most High will look at him with anger, and the flesh on his face will sag and he will look haggard and old. He will say: 'What did I do?' His tongue will witness against him saying, 'I said what was forbidden'; his hands will speak and say, 'We reached for what was forbidden'; each of his feet will say. 'I went to a forbidden place.'; and his private parts will say, 'I did it.' An one of the guardian angels will say, 'I heard it.' and the other guardian angel will say, 'I wrote it,' and Allah Most High will say, 'I knew it but I concealed it.' Then He will say 'My angels, take him and give him a taste of My punishment. Great is My anger against the man who had so little shame towards Me!'"

PART 1 – Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

THE GIRLFRIEND-BOYFRIEND RELATIONSHIP
"In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not."

PART 1 - Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

Zina (fornication) has become a common place occurrence within the Muslim Youth community, and the Muslim girls and boys have sadly fallen prey to the snares of Western society. You may wonder how can such a situation occur when most Muslim parents virtually put their children under 'lock and key'. The answer is that although most parents are strict where their children are concerned, they do not take the time to talk and explain to them about the seriousness of Zina. Instead, they give a Fatwa of "no boyfriend" when their daughters reach puberty. Such an action is like ordering a two year old child not to touch the power point. What do you think the child will do?

The following article highlights ways in which we can teach our children to shun this corrupt act.

In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. This is what we have to ingrain into our children at the early stage. We should not wait for them to come to us when they are teenagers to ask about girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. At this late stage, even if we forbid them to have such a relationship, how certain are we that they will obey us if they are smitten by someone? Hence, it is important that we teach our children that the only time a girl or boy can have a relationship with a non-Mahatma (non-Mahatma is someone whom they can marry) is when they are married! Furthermore, if a girl or boy enters into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship then he/she is entering into a pre-marital relationship.

At the teenage level, we should not be shy to teach them the severity of pre-marital relationship. We need to make them understand that that pre-marital relationships are like the extra-marital relationships, or what is commonly known as adultery or 'an affair'. It ruins the community by corrupting the people. It unleashes base desires that, once allowed free-reign, will destroy families. We can quote to them the examples of illegitimate and abandoned children, broken homes, abortions, and sexual diseases - the list goes on. We should also point out to them the punishment for sexual relationships outside of marriage: Ibn Masoud (r.a.a) related that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community." [Bukhari and Muslim]. In other words, the married person who commits adultery is to be killed by stoning to death [Muslim]. But what about the unmarried person who has sexual relationships? Rest assured that this person will not go unpunished - he or she is to be caned or whipped one hundred times [Muslim]. Even in the Hereafter, the punishment is severe: the Prophet (s.a.w) saw adulterers, men and women, in a baking oven in Hellfire [Bukhari].

At this stage your teenage child may say that girlfriend-boyfriend relationships need not go as far as the sexual act; that they can control themselves and simply enjoy each others company. To counter this, you say that it is a fact when a girl and a boy are alone together, their sexual desires awaken and before they know it, they will be doing things that are not permissible between unmarried people. The reason for this is because Shaytaan will be the third person with them [Ahmad] and he will whisper and tempt them with the forbidden. This is why Islam shuns all avenues leading to corruption of the mind, body and soul.

Something else we must teach them is to restrain their desires. We can do so by giving them examples of the rewards for doing so, such as the person who controls his lust will be among people who Allah bestows mercy upon:

Abu Hurairah (r.a.a) narrated that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said that among the seven persons whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day (of Judgement) when there is no shade except His Shade, is a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman and refuses to respond for fear of Allah. [Bukhari and Muslim].

Below are more points on how to help your child, at an early age, to be chaste so that when he/she is older, he/she can avoid getting into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. First, you must talk and explain to them these things when they are young, then when they are older, you make sure that it is put into practice.

You must teach him or her to:

1. Not to freely mix with the opposite sex.

2. Not to look at the opposite sex. This is done by lowering or averting their eyes as Allah tells us: "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their private parts..." [24:30-31] Furthermore, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "...do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second." [Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhi]. What this means is that the first look is by accident. If this happens then do not take a second look. Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) also said that the eyes also commit adultery by looking at someone with lust. [Bukhari]

3. For girls, teach them not to make their voices seductive or sweet in front of non-Mahram. This is done by lowering the voice and not flirting. As Allah tells the wives of Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) "...do not be too pleasant of speech, lest one in whose heart there is a disease should feel desire for you..." [33:32]

4. Last but not least, teach them to wear appropriate clothing so as not to draw attention to themselves. That is, girls should wear Hijabs and loose clothing while boys should also wear loose clothing, not the tight jeans or pants with T-shirt tucked in. It is sad that, often, parents allow their children to wear the so called fashion clothing which, in most cases, do not meet the requirement of acceptable Islamic dress code. What is even sadder is to see Muslim mothers covering themselves properly walking with their uncovered teenage daughters and sons.

5. It is important that we start teaching our children the need to feel modesty, especially around the opposite sex. Regarding shyness, we should use the Prophet (s.a.w) as an example: Abu Said Al Khudri (r.a.a) reported that the Prophet (s.a.w) was more shy than a virgin in her own room. [Bukhari] If we instill this into them at an early age then, Insha' Allah, whenever they are near the vicinity of the opposite sex, they will feel shy and, therefore, will not act inappropriately. It is also important that we keep the communication channels open with our children so that we can talk and explain to them things, and they can ask us questions, without any party feeling embarrassed. Then, when they are older, and with help from us, they will begin to understand why it is that there cannot be a thing called 'the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship'.

PART 2 – Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

THE GIRLFRIEND-BOYFRIEND RELATIONSHIP
"In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not."

PART 2 - How to deal with a Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship?

In the last article the author talked about taking preventative measures to ensure that when your child is older, he or she will not be caught in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. However, if your child is already a teenager or those methods did not work, and you are now facing this dilemma, there is still hope of rectifying it. Most parents react with extremity upon discovering that their daughter is in a girlfriend-boyfriend situation: they lock her in her room and forbid her to see the boy again. What would be the reaction from the girl when she is faced with this? She would rebel. That is, she would do the opposite of what the parents say and, in extreme cases, run away from home. If this is not how parents want it to end, they must tread lightly. Do everything with a light touch because teenagers respond better to it. At any signs of heavy-handedness, teenagers rebel.

The first step in any bridge-building is to talk. Calmly talk to your daughter to understand why she is having a boyfriend.

What led to this?

There are many reasons why girls seek out boys. The first culprit that parents point the accusing finger at, is the girl's raging hormones. This may be true in some girls but not all. There are girls who have raging hormones but who can control themselves, and then there are girls who do not have raging hormones but who still pursue the opposite sex.

Therefore, what are some other possible reasons for the girl's behavior?

Peer pressure is one. When all her friends and school mates have boyfriends, she feels compelled to follow suit. If she does not have a boyfriend of her own then she feels left out because she cannot fit in with their after school activities and cannot join in their conversations. What makes it worse is that everyone will see her as a "geek".

Another reason is if she is undertaking a popularity contest. She competes with other girls in attaining as many boyfriends as she can to see who will be the popularity queen. These contests also occur because it is seen that only popular girls have boyfriends. Boredom often drives a girl into the arms of a boy. She sees her life as monotonous and so searches for thrill and excitement with the boy. Or perhaps her self-esteem is low, so she depends on him to make her feel desirable and wanted.

Yet another reason is that she needs to be loved. She seeks her parents love but cannot access it, therefore, she seeks it elsewhere. Similar to this is if she is seeking her parents attention. She defies them in seeking a boyfriend so that she can have their attention. Any attention to her is better than no attention. The difference between the need for love and the need for attention is that the former does it passively. If she cannot get it from her parents then she goes elsewhere. Whereas the latter demands it from her parents. There could be other reasons or the reasons could be a combination of the above. However, whatever the reason or reasons may be, parents need to identify and understand it. This is easier than it sounds as parents have a tendency of triggering their daughters to clam up.

How to approach them?

When parents talk, care needs to be taken so as not to become accusative ("You did this to...") and judgmental ("You are so..."), otherwise it will end up like a police interrogation ("Why did you...?"). This only adds to their daughter's defiance. Also, to keep her self-esteem intact, avoid using "should", "don't" and all other negative words. Talking effectively also means to know when to listen. This includes not only hearing but understanding. To understand what has been said, parents need to clarify it ("Do you mean...?"), acknowledge it ("You feel... because...") and empathize with it ("You sound really..."). When the teenager feels that her parents understand her, she will be encouraged to confide in them and explain why she does things and how she feels about it. And as I said earlier, by understanding, parents will get the full picture and will then know which appropriate action to take. Also, if parents want to be listened to by their children, they need to model good listening skills. Children tend to do as parents do rather than as parents say. So now is always a good time to start practicing these skills.

Insecurity

Looking closer at the above reasons, parents will see that the underlying factor is that the girl feels insecure about herself. Her self-esteem is low and so she relies on the boy to make her feel good about herself. The root of falling into the trap of peer-pressures, popularity contests, the need to be wanted and loved, and to have attention, is insecurity. If this is the case then give her the love and attention that she needs. Show and tell her that you love her despite her "bad" behaviors, and yet you will not tolerate them. Teach her how to feel good about herself and her religion. Build her self-esteem by acknowledging her good behaviors and achievements or her attempts to achieve (and not focusing on failures). Assign her challenging tasks and stimulating activities. This also applies to the bored daughter.

Take her to teenage Islamic gatherings and camps. Encourage her to make new Muslim friends. As to the one with raging hormones who cannot control herself, ask her if she would like to marry (but do not force it upon her).

Certainly, remind her that it is the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship that cannot be approved and teach her (again) about Islam's position with regards to this. Lastly, provide Muslim role models for her. Stories about those women who guard their chastity and piety are rewarded for doing so. Maryam, mother of Prophet Eesa (a.s), is one great example.

Don't forget about the boys

Having taken care of the daughter, I will now focus attention on the son. It is ironical that parents react as if there is a death in the family when their daughter engages in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. But when it is the son who is in a similar or worse position, the same parents are complacent,. feel that the boy needs to have experience and enjoy himself first before he can settle down and marry. It is as if the daughter alone carries the honor of the family.

Honor needs to be distributed evenly among the family if it is to be kept intact. This means the father, mother, son and daughter must each guard their own honor. If the father or mother loses his or her honor then they are providing the role model for their children. And if the son loses his honor and goes unpunished then the daughter will see this as a hypocritical act and consequently rebels. For any mediating action to work on the daughter, parents must be consistent on their son as well. Look to the reasons why girls pursue boys then parents will see that those are the same ones that propel boys into the arms of girls.

Ruling on Masturbation and How to Cure the Problem

Question:
I have a question which I am shy to ask but another sister who has come to Islam recently wants an answer to and I do not have an answer (with dalils(proof) from the Qur'an and Sunnah). I hope you can help and I hope Allah will for give me if it is inappropriate but as Muslims we should never be shy in seeking knowledge. Her question was "Is it permissible in Islam to masturbate?". May Allah increase us all in knowledge.

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

Masturbation (for both men and women) is haraam (forbidden) in Islam based on the following evidence:

First from the Qur’aan:

Imam Shafi’i stated that masturbation is forbidden based on the following verses from the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning):

"And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for them, they are free from blame. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors." 23.5-7

Here the verses are clear in forbidding all illegal sexual acts (including masturbation) except for the wives or that their right hand possess. And whoever seeks beyond that is the transgressor.

"And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His bounty." 24.33. This verse also clearly orders whoever does not have the financial means to marry to keep himself chaste and be patient in facing temptations (including masturbation) until Allah enriches them of His bounty.

Secondly, from the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him):

Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood said, "We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allaah’s Messenger said,"O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." Bukhari:5066. The hadeeth orders men who are not able to marry to fast despite the hardship encountered in doing so, and not to masturbate despite the ease with which it can be done.

There are additional evidences that can be cited to support this ruling on masturbation, but due to the limited space we will not go through them here. Allaah knows what is best and most correct. Click Here to read more Question and Answer about Masterbation.

As for curing the habit of masturbation, we recommend the following suggestions:

1) The motive to seek a cure for this problem should be solely following Allaah’s orders and fearing His punishment.

2) A permanent and quick cure from this problem lies in marriage as soon as the person is able, as shown in the Prophet’s hadeeth.

3) Keeping oneself busy with what is good for this world and the hereafter is essential in breaking this habit before it becomes second nature after which it is very difficult to rid oneself of it.

4) Lowering the gaze (from looking at forbidden things such as pictures, movies etc.) will help suppress the desire before it leads one to commit the haraam (forbidden). Allaah orders men and women to lower their gaze as shown in the following two verses and in the Prophet’s hadeeth (interpretations of the meanings): "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is all-aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.) ..... " 24.30-31
Allaah’s messenger said: "Do not follow a casual (unintentional) look (at forbidden things) with another look." Al-Tirmidhi 2777. This is a general instruction by the Prophet to abstain from all that may sexually excite a person because it might lead him/her to commit the haraam (forbidden).

5) Using one’s available leisure time in worshiping Allaah and increasing religious knowledge.

6) Being cautious not to develop any of the medical symptoms that may result from masturbation such as weak eyesight, weak nervous system, and/or back pain. More importantly, feeling of guilt and anxiety that can be complicated by missing obligatory prayers because of the need to shower (ghusl) after every incidence of masturbation.

7) Avoiding the illusion that some youth have that masturbation is permissible because it prevents them from committing illegal sexual acts such as fornication or even homosexuality.

8) Strengthening one’s willpower and avoiding spending time alone as recommended by the Prophet when he said "Do not spend the night alone" Ahmad 6919.

9) Following the Prophet’s aforementioned hadeeth and fast when possible, because fasting will temper one’s sexual desire and keep it under control. However, one should not overreact and swear by Allaah not to return to the act because if one does not honor one’s promise, one would be facing the consequences of not living up to one’s oath to Allaah. Also, note that medication to diminish one’s sexual desire is strictly prohibited because it might permanently affect one’s sexual ability.

10) Trying to follow the Prophet’s recommendation concerning the etiquette of getting ready for bed, such as reading well-known supplications, sleeping on the right side, and avoiding sleeping on the belly (the Prophet forbade sleeping on the belly).

11) Striving hard to be patient and chaste, because persistence will eventually, Allaah willing, lead to attaining those qualities as second nature, as the Prophet explains in the following hadeeth: "Whoever seeks chastity Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks help from none but Allaah, He will help him, and whoever is patient He will make it easy for him, and no one has ever been given anything better than patience." Bukhari:1469.

12) Repenting, asking forgiveness from Allaah, doing good deeds, and not losing hope and feeling despair are all prerequisites to curing this problem. Note that losing hope is one of the major sins punishable by Allaah.

13) Finally, Allaah is the Most Merciful and He always responds to whoever calls on Him. So, asking for Allah’s forgiveness will be accepted, by His will.

Wallahu a’lam. And Allah knows what is best and most correct.

Jazak Allah Khair for reading

Islam on Pornography: A Definite No NO

Every Friday we hear the Imam conclude his sermon by reciting the following verse of the Quran:

"Surely God enjoins justice, kindness and the doing of good, to kith and kin; and He forbids all that is shameful, indecent, evil, rebellious and oppressive." InnaAllah Yamuru bil adel, wal ehsane, wa itae zil qurba; wa yanha anil fuhshae, wal munkari walbaghi; yaizukhum lallakum tazakkaroon. (Quran 16:90)

Pornography and the culture of pornography has all the three elements which God has prohibited in the above verse of the Quran: Fuhsha; Munkar, baghi. Here is a bit of terminology before we review the rest of the evidence prohibiting pornography.

Fuhsha:
According to the Al-Mawrid Arabic-English dictionary of Munir Baalbaki, Fuhash is obscenity, vulgarity, indecency, shamelessness and something that is dirty, filthy and foul. Al-Mawrid's English-Arabic dictionary translates pornographic as Fahish. The Hans Wehr Dictionary Of Modern Written Arabic adds monstrosity, abomination, vile deed and fornication to its meaning as well.

Fuhsha, translated as anything shameful, is a Quranic term which in the Quran and Hadith has been used widely for unIslamic sexual behavior. The Quran uses it as in the above verse (Quran 16:90). It is a set of vices that embraces the whole range of evil and shameful deeds. Scholars of the Quran have included every vice which is intrinsically of a highly reprehensible character into this category whether it be fornication, nudity, public foreplay as depicted in films and photos, pornography, hurling abuses and curse words, promiscuous mixing, or dresses designed to expose the body. At the highest level of Fuhsha, Allah has included adultery (Quran 17:32) and same gender sex (Quran 7:80; 27:54).

All scholars agree pornography is included in the term Fuhsha.

Al-Munkar
Al-Mawrid English - Arabic Dictionary describes Munkar as gross, abominable, detestable, atrocious, outrageous, flagrant.

As a major Quranic term it means something which is universally acknowledged as bad and immoral. This category includes all evils which have been unanimously condemned by the human conscience and which have been forbidden by Divine Law in all ages.

People of all faiths abhor pornography. Even the norms of American society do not allow its propagation in mainstream newspapers and prime time TV, forcing it to hide in dark alleys. Those who are addicted to pornography try to watch it mostly discreetly. This indicates that it is a universally accepted immoral act which Quran calls al-Munkar.

Al-Baghi

According to Al-Mawrid English - Arabic dictionary, this term means wrong, injustice, outrage, and transgression.

Al-Baghi in the Quranic terminology means transgression and trespassing into the space and the rights of others, whether those rights be of God or of a fellow human being. Pornography is a transgression towards God as well as towards human beings and animals. The pornographic industry trespasses on the rights of women especially by turning them into sex objects. Pornographic emails trespass the private email boxes of Americans at least four times a day.

God is Against Pornography (Fuhsha) whether Open or Hidden

"Tell them (O Muhammad): 'My Lord has only forbidden indecent acts, whether overt or hiddenÉ"

innama haram rabbial fawahisha ma zahar aminha wma batan.. (Quran 7:33).

Therefore, watching pornography or other indecent acts in the privacy of the home or on the internet is also forbidden.

Allah Asks Us Not to Even Go Close to It

"Say to them (O Muhammad!) Édo not even draw near to things shameful–be they open or secret;É " (Quran 6:151 partial)

Éwa la taqrabul fawahisha ma zahara minha wa ma batanÉ

Allah has mentioned this instruction along with shirk and murder which means that Allah considered shameful things like pornography among the major sins.

Allah knows best. He knows His creation. He knows that we are weak. Therefore, He likes us to stay away from shameful things.

Those who Propagate Shameful things among the Believers

"Verily those who love that indecency should spread among the believers deserve a painful chastisement in the world and in the Hereafter. Allah knows, but you do not know." Quran 24:19

Innal lazeena yuhibbuna an tasheeal fahishatu fillazeena amanou lahum azabun aleemun fid dunya wal akhirate, wallahu yalamu wa antum la talamoon.

The words used in the verse (fahishatu) embrace all the various forms that might be used to spread shameful and lewd behavior though any means be it pictures, films, or internet.

Don't follow Satan

At several places in the Quran, God warns us not to follow the steps of Satan: "He will incite you for shameful things (fuhsha) and encourage you to do universally accepted wrong things (al-munkar) Quran 24:21

Restrain Your Gaze & Guard Your Private Parts

"Enjoin believing men to restrain their gaze and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Surely Allah is well aware of all what they do.

And enjoin believing women to restrain their gaze and guard their private parts and additionally not to reveal their adornment except that which is revealed of itself." Quran 24:30-31

Sayings of the Prophet: Hadith

No man or woman should look at the naked body of each other (unless married). Sahih Muslim

By God, I would prefer to be thrown from the skies and spatterred in parts than to look at someone's private parts or let someone look at my private parts. Narrated by Salman. Almabsooth kitabul istehsan.

Don't expose your thigh to anyone and don't look at the thigh of any person even if s/he is dead. Narrated Ali ibn abi Talib. Ibn e Maja, Abi Dawud, Darqutani. Tafseer Kabeer

Once someone's thigh was open in public. The Prophet said don't you know thigh is supposed to be kept covered? Jerhad Aslami. Muatta Imam Malik, Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud

Allah has written for Adam's son his share of adultery which he commits inevitably. The adultery of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the adultery of the tongue is the talk, and the inner self wishes and desires and the private parts testify all this or deny it. Abu Hurairah. Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud.

Other Scholarly Perspectives

"It's absolutely Haram," notes Shaykh Muhammad Nur Abdullah. He is the Imam of the Islamic Foundation of Greater St. Louis in Missouri.

"If someone is looking at someone committing Zina (sex outside of marriage) whether it is in movies or pictures or the actual thing, it's all Haram," he adds.

"Pornographic pictures and movies are haram (prohibited). Muslims should not watch, sell or make such movies. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, is reported to have said: 'The eyes commit adultery, the tongue commits adultery, the hands commit adultery, the feet commit adultery and then the private parts confirm it or deny it." (Reported by Ahmad Ibn Hanbal)

"This means that watching pornographic movies, listening to such songs or singing them, using one's hands and feet for this purpose, all these are sins that are related to Zina and then the final act of Zina takes place through haram intercourse." Dr. Muzammil Siddiqi

Logging in and browsing pornographic sites is forbidden because a Muslim is always commanded to lower his/her gaze, let alone give a loose rein to his/her É eyes to look at the private parts of others.

May Allah keep us all safe spiritually and physically.

How can I advise someone who is addicted to pornography?

How can I advise someone who is addicted to pornography?

I have a friend who uses the internet and goes to pornographic websites. What is the shar’i ruling on that, and how can I help him to keep away from such things?.

Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible to look at pornographic pictures that show the charms of women, either on internet web sites or in newspapers or magazines etc. That is because looking at them is a means of enjoying them and knowing the beauty of the woman in the picture.

This may also be a means that leads to something haraam, so it is also regarded as haraam, because the means come under the same rulings as the ends.

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 2424.

Many people take the matter of looking at pictures of non-mahram women lightly, on the grounds that these are just pictures and are not real. But this is a very serious matter, because it inevitably tempts a man to try to look at the woman directly. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them"

[al-Noor 24:30]

Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Rasaa’il Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 1/268

You can help your friend to keep away from these things by always advising him and making him fear Allaah, and reminding him that Allaah is always watching him and that nothing is hidden from Him. And remind him of the blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon him, such as giving him eyes with which to see things that will benefit him, and He has forbidden him to use them to look at things that He has forbidden. Remind him that Allaah will question him about that, hence Allaah concludes the verse referred to above with the words (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, Allaah is All-Aware of what they do”

[al-Noor 24:30]

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, the hearing, and the sight, and the heart of each of those ones will be questioned (by Allaah)”

[al-Isra’ 17:36]

If a wise man thinks about it, when he is looking at these haraam pictures, he will realize that there is nothing behind these glances but loss, pain and sorrow, because he cannot really get what he sees in these pictures.

The poet spoke the truth when he said:

“When you give free rein to your eyes, this will cause great pain to your heart.

You will see what you cannot have, and you will feel frustration because you do not have some of what you see.”

So it is clear that there is nothing to be gained from these pictures except the wrath of Allaah, and wasting time and money on things that are not pleasing to Him, and tormenting yourself.

The Muslim has to seek chastity by means of marriage, and try his best to achieve that.

He should also give up bad company who may have a bad effect on him and encourage him to go to these bad web sites.

He should also keep himself busy with things that will benefit him in both religious and worldly terms, such as memorizing the Book of Allaah, attending gatherings of dhikr, and going to useful websites that contain sound knowledge.

29 Tips for Teens on How To Handle Pornography

It's hard being a teenager and trying to resist the images you're bombarded with daily: the hot-looking guy or gal in the magazine; the sexual jokes in movies (even Shrek!) or the pervasive pornography and ad banners that pop up while you may simply be checking your e-mail or researching something for school. How do we protect ourselves from all of this? Below is a list of tips that can help. You can add in comments what works for you:

Tip #1: Know what's Halal and what's not
Remember this rule of thumb: whatever is Haram (forbidden) to do, is Haram to watch.

All scholars of Islam agree that pornography is absolutely Haram and a clear sin.

Some may think, however, that only hard-core pornography is Islamically unacceptable. This is not true. Watching improperly dressed men and women in sexual situations, as well as engaged in various types of foreplay and dirty jokes are also not acceptable.

If you need a more detailed argument against it, read our article based on the Quran and Hadith.

Tip #2: Surf the Web or Watch T.V. When Others are Around
The living room or study room are better places to keep the computer since others are nearby and can see what you're looking at. The temptation to sneak a look at dirty pictures or that bikini-clad babe is heightened when you're alone in your room watching television or surfing the internet. Try to avoid late night TV and surfing. Instead, check out the tube or the web when others are around so you can resist the urge to sneak a peek, thinking no one's watching.

It is a good idea not to have a TV or computer in the bedroom anyway.

Tip #3: Remember Allah is Watching You
If no one is watching, Allah is watching you. He is always there. He is Al Baseer, All Knowing and All Aware. He is the One Who has given us life. He is the One Who has told us right from wrong and given us a choice. He loves to see us successful in our test to bless us with the Everlasting life. He does not rest or sleep. He loves to see us do good and has promised rewards for it.

Tip #4: If It Happens, Seek Forgiveness & Don't Insist on doing it
"É[Good people are those who] when they have committed a shameful deed (fuhsha) or have harmed themselves, remember God and pray that their sins be forgiven-for who but God could forgive sins?-and do not knowingly persist in doing whatever wrong they may have done." (Quran 3:135).

Allah loves to see us asking for His forgiveness.

Tip #5: Just get up and leave
If you feel unable to control looking at the screen or the magazine, leave the situation. Get out of the living room, your bedroom where the internet is or where you've been reading the magazine. Take a walk. Just do something to physically get out of the situation.

Tip #6: Remember the Day of Judgment
You cannot assume looking at this stuff is no big deal. Your eyes will testify about what you looked at on the Day of Judgment. God is Most Just and Merciful, and He rewards us for the good and holds us responsible for the bad we do. His angels are around you who love to note down each good dead and hate to watch you do shameful things which they still must report. Every tiny act we do is noted down. May Allah make our accounting on the Day of Judgment easy.

Tip #7: Connect With Your Salat
If you are not praying, start now. Salat actively discourages pornography and fornication (fuhsha). Here is what Allah says about it: "É and be constant in prayer: for, behold, prayer restrains man from loathsome deeds and from all that runs counter to decency; and remembrance of God is indeed the greatest [good]. And God knows all that you do." (Quran 29:45)

Tip #8: Learn About Haya in Islam
Haya is a beautiful concept in Islam. Sometimes translated as modesty or shame, there is no one word in English that fully describes what it means. It is a quality in character that makes a believer shine. Satan does not want you to have it. Pornography destroys Haya.

Tip #9: Avoid those involved in pornography
If one of your friends is into pornographic magazines, websites, dirty jokes etc. either help him/her change through gentle and sincere advice (see etiquettes of enjoining the good and forbidding the evil) or abandon frequent contact with them. Their addiction might affect you, so it's best to stay as far away as possible, by remembering the danger to yourself and your relationship with God.

Tip #10: Avoid things that lead to sin
Too often, it's easy to dismiss that billboard with the spandex-and-bikini-top-clad blonde girl advertising gum, or the guy in tight leather pants and no shirt advertising perfume. When you see it, remember the omnipresent God, and lower your gaze. Do the same for television and the internet. If you keep doing this, it'll become a habit to avoid looking at these things.

Remember God is kind. An unintentional look is not Haram if you turn away as soon as you realize it.

Tip #11: Develop a More Productive Schedule
Learn to manage your time more productively. Develop a personal plan for yourself. If you don't occupy your mind with good works, Satan will think of something bad for you. Think of wal Asr, Innal insane lafi khusr.. (Quran 103)

Tip #12: Are You Involved?
Surround yourself with spiritual influences. Join a study circle, volunteer for a good cause, become active in a Muslim youth group like MYNA or your Muslim Students' Association. Good company is likely to have good influence on you. The involvement will also make good use of your time, sparing little for Satan.

Tip #13: Feeling overwhelmed? Remember Allah
In situations where you feel overwhelmed and can't get yourself to switch the channel, close the browser window or turn your eyes away from the billboard, ask Allah's help. You don't necessarily need any heavy duty, long prayers. Just say La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah (there is neither power nor strength except with God). It is short, simple and reminds you of Who is really in control and can help you out of this. Or if you cannot remember this, just move away saying Allah, Allah. Or bring any popular song about Allah to your lips.

Tip #14: Less TV is better
Although actors in a TV program may be "dressed," if the show is about playing sexual games in public, is it worth watching? Less TV is always better. One of my American friends calls it the 19-inch Satan in our living rooms. She would rather not have it at all. A few broadcast channels are better than cable or satellite. Watching together as family is better than watching alone. Choosing through a TV guide what to watch is better than channel surfing.

Tip #15: Satan is the Enemy: Seek refuge in God
Satan lured you into this mess. He is the big part of our tests in this life. Seeking refuge in Allah (saying Aoutho billahi minash Shaytan ir Rajeem), will help you resist him and his whisperings to continue looking at the material.

Tip #16: Remember others will Follow You
If you have younger brothers and sisters, think of the bad example you're setting for them. What message are you sending them if they barge into your room and catch you watching Temptation Island or flipping through Playboy magazine?

Tip #17: Look for alternative entertainment
Playing sports is better for your health than watching. We have become way too dependent on electronic entertainment. It is unhealthy and leading our nation to obesity and health problems. Let's stop being couch potatoes. Let's build our bodies through sports and outdoor activities.

Tip #18: Surround yourself with the Quran
Make the Quran a part of your bedroom decor. Put paintings of your personal selection of these beautiful verses from God. Maybe commission a calligrapher to scribe your favorite verses in Arabic and English. I had one drawn with pencil and it sits in front of my desk. One of my daughters asked me to write one for her and she hung it up in front of her laptop.

How many copies and translations of the Quran do you own? Buy more. Become a collector.

If you are into listening the Quran on audio, keep changing your reciter of the Quran. It breaks the monotony and brings focus back to the words of God.

Tip #19: Remember your Mom and sister
Disgusting right? Exactly. No one in his right mind would look at his mom or sister the way pornographic magazines and websites depict women. Remember your mom and your sister, and that may help you stop.

Tip #20: Have someone watch over you
If you really feel you're becoming addicted to this kind of material, try to watch TV, surf the internet with someone else. You don't have to tell them why you're doing this, but this method can perhaps keep you in check and help you avoid looking at pornography or other similar material. After all, Satan tempts us most easily when we're alone. Sitting in the company of a family member or trusted friend will help.

Tip #21: Fasting helps
The Prophet Muhammad advised us to fast to cool passions. This should be a method we use to handle the desire aroused by pornography and similar material. Peace and blessings of Allah be upon the Prophet.

Tip #22: Life is full of tests
We human beings are weak people. We sometimes make mistakes. We are not perfect. When you fail, don't despair. You can get away from sin by defeating a Satanic suggestion the next time around. Sometimes we don't mean to watch but end up doing it anyway. But as soon as a thought comes to your mind that you are doing wrong, stop right there. If you persist, that will be become a sin which you have chosen intentionally.

Don't feel guilty if you did not plan to watch it. Sometimes the web and email technology force this filth on you. Just move away as fast as you can.

Tip #23: Get Married
Yes. You heard me right. Get married. The real thing is better than the fakeness of pornography which destroys you mentally, physically, and spiritually. In Muslim families, we see many younger people getting married while they are still in school. Texas law allows persons as young as 13 to get married with parental consent and a judge's order. Other states require at least 16 years of age for a marriage license. Talk to your parents. I am personally against very young people marrying, but it is certainly better than them having sinful relationships with each other or with the fictional characters brought to them through the web, magazines and films. There is no shame in talking to your parents and Imams about it. Make a decision with Shura if you want to get married early.

Marriage helps you overcome the destructive directions of a blessing of God called sex.

Tip #24: Use technology to help
There are many filters and spam stopping technologies which are available through different internet providers as well as for your email client. Use technology to close doors for pornography, a heinous crime against humanity.

Tip #25: It is not a Sin if you did not mean it
Sometimes we are just surfing the internet and something else pops up. It may show up in emails despite all the filters. As long as you did not mean to watch and move away immediately it is not a sin. Thank God, Alhamdu lillah. He does not hold us accountable for unintentional things.

Tip #26: Do Tauba, Repent and Return to Allah
He loves to see us come back. If you do end up watching the bad stuff, repent to Allah. Seek His forgiveness, reaffirm your faith in Him, and do good deeds to compensate for what you've done. He is All-Forgiving as long as you are sincere.

Tip #27: Repent Again and Fine Yourself
If you lapse, repent again. God is All-Forgiving as long as we mean it. But then you need to discipline yourself by promising that if you do it again, you will pay this much in charity or fast for a day.

The message is: don't give up on yourself. Keep trying. Struggle is life. Satan can get you down, but you can and will beat him with God's help if you are serious about changing.

Tip #28: Pray, Pray and Pray
Never underestimate the power of prayer. Dua is the essence of worship. You connect to God through prayers. Talk to Him. He listens. While there, pray for this author and Sound Vision as well.

Tip #29: Fight Against Pornography
You will be blessed in your struggle if you speak and fight against pornography. It is not one person's problem. It is a problem that is hurting many people.

12 Tips for Young Muslim Youth

Why should you, a young Muslim, be helping to bring your friends closer to Allâh?

After all, you've got your own struggles to deal with: trying to explain to hostile teachers why you pray, Hijab discrimination, standing up in class when the professor attacks Islâm, dealing with parents who think you've gone nuts because you're growing a beard, or all the other difficulties faced by a number of practicing Muslim youth?

Islâm was never meant to be an individualistic faith, reserved for the "chosen few". Muslims have a duty to spread the Deen; and practicing Muslim youth, whether beginners, activists or leaders, have a crucial role to play.

"Allâh has put them in a position that perhaps no one else is in," notes Sheema Khan, former Muslim Youth of North America (MYNA) advisor for eastern Canada.

"They have the means to communicate with their peers, they have an understanding of what they're going through plus they have the guidance of Islâm."

Who is your childhood friend going to listen to? Who is your childhood friend, who would rather spend Fridays at MacDonald's than the Masjid, or your classmate who is Muslim in name and only knows that "Muslims don't eat pork" going to listen to: the nice Imam of the Masjid who would freak out if he saw the way they were dressed and talked or you who may have grown up with them, joked with them, or see them everyday in school?

The answer is obvious: You.

Don't panic. Here are some tips and advice which can help. These are advices from other Muslims, many of whom have been there and done that:

Tip # 1 : Make Your Intention Sincere

All work we do should ideally be for the sake of Allâh. That includes the task of bringing someone closer to Allâh. That of course means this should not be connected to arrogance, thinking you're the teacher and everyone else should be lucky you've embarked on a crusade to save them. Guidance is from Allâh. Make Dua and make sincere efforts and remember Allâh.

Tip # 2 : Practice What You Preach

Not practicing what you preach is wrong and you will lose the confidence of anyone, young or old, once they figure you out. Don't do it.

Tip # 3 : Use The Qur'ân, Seerah of the Prophet and Ahlulbait (peace be upon them)

As TABLIGH Guides Read and understand those chapters of the Qur'ân which talk about how the Prophets presented the message of Islâm to their people. Read the Seerah to see especially how the Prophet Muhammad and Ahlulbait peace and blessings be upon them) brought Islâm to so many different people, including young people.

As well, talk to Tabligh workers, and check out manuals they may have written, like Yahiya Emerick's How to Tell Others About Islâm.

Tip # 4 : Talk To People As If You Really Don't Know Them

Don't assume you know someone just by looking at them. You don't know that the Muslim girl in your homeroom who walks through the school's hallways as if they were fashion show catwalks, is not someone you can talk to about Allâh because she looks like a snob. Or that the Muslim guy who you've never seen at Juma at your university is a "bad Muslim". Maybe he was never really taught Islâm and has no idea what importance Friday prayers have in Islâm, especially for Muslim men.

Tip # 5 : Smile

Did you know the Prophet was big on smiling? But many "practicing" Muslims seem to have "their faces on upside down" as one speaker once said-frowning and serious. Smiling, being polite and kind are all part of the manners of the Prophet, which we must exercise in our daily lives. If we want to approach others with Islâm, we have to make ourselves approachable. Smiling is key to this.

But note that being approachable does not mean being flirtations with the other gender. There are Islâmic rules for how men and women should deal with each other which have to be respected. Tabligh is no excuse to have long and private conversations and meetings with the other sex, for example. Set up a system where someone expressing an interest in Islâm is referred to someone of the same sex.

Tip # 6 : Take The Initiative & Hang Out With Them

Take the first step and invite someone you may have spoken to a couple of times to sit at lunch together, to check out a hockey game or invite them over for Iftaar in Ramadan.

Also, share difficulties, sorrows and frustrations. Help with homework, be a shoulder to cry on when depression hits, or just plain listen when your friend is upset, discuss common problems and KEEP THEIR SECRETS. There are few things as annoying as a snitch and backstabber. But an important note: if the problem is of a serious nature, (i.e. your friend is thinking of committing suicide or is taking drugs), notify and consult an adult immediately.

Tip # 7 : Show Them Islâm Is Relevant Today, Right Here, Right Now

Young people may think Islâm is too "old fashioned" and not in tune with the modern age.

Prove this wrong. Show how Islâm is really about relating to Allâh, which any human being can do, anywhere, anytime. Allâh is always closer to you than your jugular vein and He hears and knows everything. Encourage friends to ask Allâh's help during tests, exams, and in dealing with problems at home with parents and siblings. Also point out how Islâm relates to teenagers: Islâm gives you focus and an understanding of who you are and where you are going, which most of "teen culture" does not.

Tip # 8 : Get Them Involved In Volunteer Work With You

If you are already involved in the community, get your friend to help out. Ask them to make a flyer for one of your youth group's events or brainstorm for ideas about activities to hold this school year. This involvement makes them feel part of the Muslim community and deepens your friendship, since you are now working together on something beneficial for both of you. Make sure you thank them for their contribution.

Tip # 9 : Ask Them 4 Fundamental Questions

As your friendship develops, you will notice the topics you discuss may become more serious. You may be discussing, for instance, future goals and plans. We recommends four questions to ask that can steer the topic to Allâh and Islâm:

a. Where am I going in life and what would make me really happy deep down inside?
b. What do I believe?
c. Who should I be grateful to?
d. Did I get to where I am today without the help of anyone?

Tip # 10 : Emphasize Praying 5 Times A Day Before Any Other Aspect Of Islâm

A person's main connection with Allâh, on a daily basis, is through the prayer five times a day. Don't emphasize any other aspect of Islâm until your friend starts making a real effort to pray five times a day. Emphasize the direct connection one has with Allâh in prayer. If they are facing a problem, tell them to pray, and to ask Allâh for help in Salah and outside this time. When possible, make it a point to pray together during your "hang out time". If your friend begins to pray, that is the first step to other aspects of Islâm like giving up swearing, treating parents with respect or dressing Islâmically.

Tip # 11 : Help Instill Confidence In Adults

Adults, like Bart Simpson's dad Homer, are considered bumbling idiots in the eyes of "teen culture". Your job as a young Muslim is to help turn the tables on this false and un-Islâmic belief. All you have to do is this: when a Muslim adult does something good (i.e. saving someone's life, donating money to a worthy cause, the Imam gives a good speech, taking good care of his/her family) bring it up in the course of your conversations with your friend and praise the adult in question. Doing this regularly may not only change your friend's perspective, but could lead to them seeing their own parents in a more respectful way.

Tip # 12 : Support Them Even When They Become More Practicing

Remember, just because a person starts practicing Islâm more regularly, this does not mean everything will be okay from this point onwards. There will still be hard times, difficulties. There may be times when your friend may have doubts about his or her new found practice of Islâm. Be there to reassure them.

Problems of the Present Day Youth

There are various reasons for youth's corruption and their problems.


Youths go through many rapid physical, mental and intellectual developments. Hence there is a great need for providing them with the means of self-control and curbing of their defiance as well as wise leadership that can lead them to the straight path.

The corruption of youth can be attributed to many factors, prominent among them are:

1. Joblessness:

Joblessness is a disease that kills mental, intellectual and physical capabilities. As a matter of fact, it is inevitable that human beings work; and if they are deprived of work and movement, the brain becomes beset, their intellect exhausted, and the mind becomes weak as devilish insinuations and malicious thoughts take control of their hearts.

Evil and wicked intentions may occur to them as a result of the depression that usually results from being jobless.

In order to be cured of this disease, the affected youths should get involved in activities that suit them like reading, writing, trading or any other activities that can stand between them and joblessness and which is capable of making them sound and useful members of the community.

2. Estrangement between youths and elders:

This problem appears in a situation where some elders see corruption in their youths and just stand aloof without making any effort to correct them, having lost hope in their reform.

This problem however can be solved if elders and youths endeavor to remove the estrangement and alienation between them. Both should bear in mind that society - with its youths and elders - is like a single body, and if a part of it decays, the decadence will affect the whole body. Elders also are requested to feel the sense of responsibility towards their youths and remove their attitude regarding the hopelessness of youths' piety because Allaah is capable of doing everything.

For, how often a person straying afar has been guided by Allaah and thereafter became a torch of guidance and a reformer.

Youths on their part, should hold their elders in high esteem. They should respect their views and accept their directives because they have achieved greater wisdom and experience than youths have achieved. Therefore, when elders' wisdom is added to youths' energy, the society becomes prosperous by the will of Allaah.

3. Keeping company with corrupted people:

Bad company has much psychological, mental and moral influence on the youth. That is why the Prophet said: "is on the religion of his intimate friend (i.e. influenced by him), so let every one of you look critically for whom to befriend." [Ahmad and Abu Daawood]

Therefore, the youth should choose righteous, good and intelligent persons as their companions in order to benefit from their goodness, righteousness and intelligence. Before befriending them, they should study their conditions and reputations. If those who are being considered are people of noble character, upright, religious and of good reputation, they are like objects of a long cherished wish and become as acquired booty. They should therefore stick to them.

If, on the other hand, people of bad character, must be dealt with cautiously, then they should be kept at a distance and not taken as companions because of their sweet-talk and fine outward appearance.

4. Reading of destructive books, magazines, newspapers, etc:

This type of literature has the great potential to mislead one from his religion, faith, and lead one away from excellent morality to the abyss of degeneration which naturally leads to ‘kufr’ (disbelief).

Also, reading of this kind of literature turns the youths aside from spiritual growth because it impedes his natural inclination to do good.

The solution to this problem is to immediately shift from reading such literature to material that inculcate the love of Allaah and His Prophet in one's heart and other items (tapes, tracts etc.) that help in actualizing faith and virtuous deeds. They should patiently endure reading or listening to such material because the soul will challenge them in order to coerce them into paying attention to what they were accustomed to before and will make them feel bored and irritated by useful books and positive sources.

There are also many books that can enhance spiritual growth and practice, such as the Quran, authentic ‘Hadeeths’, and numerous writings of scholars (based on the Quran and ‘Hadeeth’) on the life of the Prophet his companions and heroic figures in Islamic history.

Cultural Chameleons

Praying at home or the masjid, and then sneaking out to party at a nightclub. Wearing hijaab around family, and then turning into a fashion diva at school.One person, two worlds, and a desperate struggle to juggle them both. This is the reality which many Muslim youth in the West are living in. We can call them "cultural chameleons," or describe them as having "split personalities. " Whatever the label, the situation is the same… with often tragic consequences. We are not just referring to your community brother or sisters devastating death, but rather we refer to the many grievous examples of teens running away from home, getting into drugs, and much more -the worst of which is turning away totally from Islam, rejecting it completely. We are not exaggerating. Its a reality, and those who deny it are either willfully blind or pitifully naive. It is time that we addressed the situation seriously. First there must be awareness of the reality and knowledge of its causes. The next step is to know what to do when faced with it directly (hint: it does NOT involve killing anyone). And finally, we need to know how to nip the problem in the bud - an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure.

Causes :

Although each situation is different, there is a general list of what can cause this worst nightmare of any Muslim parent.

1. Lack of personal understanding/ conviction of Islam:

As with most things, it begins in your own backyard. If you arent raising your children as Muslims with a strong understanding of what it meansto be a Muslim, then you cant expect them to be happy about having to follow strict rules all the time. Its also important to note the difference between Islam and culture. If you dont pray five times a day, or encourage your kids to pray, yet freak out if a female family member walks out with her head uncovered, then you really need to straighten out your priorities.

2. Double standards:

Related to the first point, here we are talking about when parents are setting a double standard for themselves and their children: in public they seek to ingratiate themselves within Western society, to achieve the Western societies dream of big house, fancy car, and being best friends with the Joneses next door; yet at home they are obsessed with their children following cultural practices that arent even necessarily Islamic. It should be no surprise, then, when the children follow in their parents footsteps and start living a double life themselves.

3. Lack of personal understanding/ conviction of Islam:

This is another major factor in youth straying from Islam. Again related to the first point - if you dont have a strong Islamic foundation in the home, then there will be most likely a lack of understanding of what exactly it means to be a Muslim. If you dont know the reason behind something, how likely are you to do something if you view it as restrictive and interfering? If you tell your children to pray because if they dont they will burn in Hell, then trust me, they wont be doing it out of love for Allah - they will be doing it out fear… and not even fear of Allah, but fear of you. Similarly, if you tell a girl she has to wear hijaab because otherwise she will "stain the family's honour" or some-such rubbish like that, then once shes exposed to the Western mentality of freedom (and total lack of anything resembling honour) she wont give two hoots about the hijaab or your notions of honour. On the other hand, if your child has a personal relationship with Allah and knows exactly why we do some things and stay away from others, they will be far more willing to tough it out and continue to obey Allah.

4. General teen rebellion:

Sometimes, teens can just be idiots. Common sense is a rare thing amongst youth these days, and it shows… sadly, some take it too far - beyond the streaked hair (hey, as long as its covered up by hijaab, be cool with it!) - and make some really bad choices. The Messenger of Allah[pbuh] said: "Youth is a kind of madness"[Hadith].Being intoxicated by the passions of youth we never ponder for a moment that we shall we questioned by Allah.

5. Insecurity:

This is something which affects people everywhere, regardless of their race, religion, or even age. The desire to want to "fit in" and become an accepted member of the crowd is human nature - sometimes it can be a good thing; other times it can be so harmful and detrimental. For girls, the issue is often about body image and beauty, which is why hijaab becomes such a struggle. For guys, it can be about proving their "manliness" (by pursuing other girls, or getting involved in 'tough guy' activities like drinking alcohol, drugs etc.). Build your childs self-esteem at home and let them know that they don't need to seek approval from anyone except Allah. Compliment your children, praise them, let them be confident in their faith and in themselves. Tell your son that he is cool. Tell your daughter that shes beautiful. Dont demean them or belittle them; honour them as the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam) honoured his daughter Fatimah (radhiAllahu anha) by giving her his sitting place.

6. Bad companions:

The Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "The example of a good companion and a bad one is the bearer of musk and the worker on the bellows. A bearer of musk would give you some, you might buy some from him, or you might enjoy the fragrance of his musk. The worker on the bellows, on the other hand, might spoil your clothes with sparks from his bellows, or you get a bad smell from him." (Hadith-Al-Bukhari and Muslim). Undoubtedly, the kind of people your kids hang out with will have a huge influence on them - especially at school, which is what a teens life pretty much revolves around. Non-Muslims (and even so-called "Muslims") who have totally different standards morality-wise will definitely make life difficult for your kid: challenging Islam and belittling all that it stands for. While we know that many will say its a great Dawah opportunity, or that it builds character and can be a way to strengthenemaan, the reality is that not all youth are strong enough to emerge the company of such people unscathed. Sadly, we have lost too many of the younger generations to Shaytaans misguided lifestyle, and we cant use a minority of successful young Muslims to deny that reality. The Messenger ofAllah[obuh]informed us that: "A man follows his friends religion, you should be careful whom you make friends with."[Hadith Abu Dawud/Tirmidhi]

7. The "Adolescent" Myth:

This mentality is one of "I am young, let me have fun and then I will be religious when I am older!" Its an attitude of irresponsibility, immaturity, and misunderstanding of Islam and the purpose of our lives. By absolving oneself of responsibility, its easier for teens to indulge in the haraam without feeling so guilty about it. Thus, its obviously very important to instill a sense of responsibility and dutifulness to Allah in our youth - basically, to abolish this kind of mentality. The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said: " An intelligent person is the one who calls himself to account and and does deeds to benefit him after death and a foolish person is he who follows his desires and hopes from Allah"[Hadith-Tirmidhi]

Symptoms:

How do you know if your child, your sibling, or your friend is a "cultural chameleon"? It can be difficult to spot it, but however much a kid can try to sneak around, those closest to them can usually figure out what's going on. Here are some of the symptoms of the double-life syndrome.

1. Change of attitude :

Increased rebellion, aggression, and disrespect are major red flags. If they are behaving like that towards you, do you think they wont behave like that towards Allah? In fact, if they are acting like that with you, then already they are showing their defiance of Allah! Taqwa and good behaviour to parents go hand-in-hand: "And your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to your parents." (Quran-Surah al-Israa, verse 23)

2. Shows dislike of Islamic practices:

("Yuck, hijaab is so old-fashioned, " "What's the point of praying? It's stupid!" etc.) This is particularly obvious in a household that is generally religious, or has more than just a tentative connection to the Deen.

3. Secretive, sneaky:

It is important for parents to keep an eye on their kids and know where they are and what they are doing. If you notice that your child is being secretive, sneaky, and generally deceptive about their activities, then its a major red flag that your son or daughter isnt doing the right thing. This goes for pretty much all families, Muslim and non-Muslim alike, but for us Muslims it means more than just that your kid is with bad company or doing bad things: it means that they are losing their connection to Allah and to Islam, and this in itself is far worse than whatever sinful activities they are engaged in.

Solutions

An ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure. Educate your child from a young age, build a strong (but loving) Islamic environment within the home. Make them aware of their identity as Muslims, emphasize pride in their Muslim identity. However, we cant say that prevention is the only thing that we can do - the reality is that even children who were raised in a strong Islamic environment can be "lost" in the Dunya… and this is the reality we have to deal with, not deny. Having said that, here are some practical solutions on dealing with such situations.

1. Do not react angrily or violently:

If you find out your kid is lying to you and is leading a double life, do NOT freak out at them, scream at them, hit them, etc. This will : 1) scare them, 2) reinforce their false belief that "Islam/ Muslims are evil/ violent", and 3) not be productive in any way, shape, or form.

2. Take some time to cool off after you find out:

Pray a naafilah (voluntary salaah), and make lots of dua i.e. ask Allah to grant you the patience and strength to deal with the situation.

3. Talk to them:

Ask them what has led them to do the things they have done, what their state of belief is (cases differ drastically: some teens still have emaan and are just confused; others go to the point where they deny Islam completely), and how they feel about their situation in general. Try not to judge them; the key is to listen to them and know where theyare coming from. This will give you information on how to best approach them when the time comes to try and "fix" things.

4. Serious counselling may be needed:

If you feel as though you are unable to deal with the situation correctly yourself, contact a trustworthy, knowledgeable, and understanding Imam,Moulana or Shaykh in your area (or use the Muslim Youth Helpline). It is best to have someone involved who not only knows the Islamic perspective of things, but can also relate to and understand your child. There must be someone whom your child can feel comfortable enough to work with/ talk to if they don't feel they can open up to you (the parents). In this stage, there has to be a lot of give-and-take, questions-and- answers. If you already had a long talk with your child previously and asked them all those questions, then now is the time to bring forth your feelings. If you havent had the talk, then now is the time to initiate it. Counselling is a long and sometimes painful process, and only one step forward towards healing. One cannot expect things to change overnight, and it will be very difficult - all I can say is, trust in Allah and look to the Sunnah for help. Have emaan, taqwa, and lots of patience and forbearance. Constantly turn to Allah in dua, especially the last third of the night. Indeed, this is something that should be done at all times… it is a means of prevention, as well as part of the path to the cure. Allah Most Wise and Most Merciful says: "No one despairs of solace from Allah except for those who are unbelievers"[Quran12:87] --

Dua’a For Exams

Here are Dua’as for those doing Exams »

اللهُمَّ لا سَهْلَ إلا مَا جَعَلتَهُ سَهْلا وَ أنتَ تَجْعَلُ الحزْنَ إذا شِئْتَ سَهْلاAllahumma la sahla illa ma ja’altahu sahla, wa ‘anta taj-alul hazna idha shi’ta sahla
Meaning: "O Allah! There is nothing easy except what You make easy, and You make the difficult easy if it be Your Will."

Allahumma inii as'aluka fahmal-nabiyyen wa hifthal mursaleen al-muqarrabeen.
O Allah! I ask You for the understanding of the prophets and the memory of the messengers, and those nearest to You.

Allahumma ijal leesanee 'amiran bi thikrika wa qalbi bi khashyatika.
O Allah! Make my tongue full of Your remembrance, and my heart with consciousness of You.

Innaka 'ala ma-tasha'-u qadeer wa anta hasbun-allahu wa na'mal wakeel.
(O Allah!) You do whatever You wish, and You are my Availer and Protector and the best of aid.


Dua After Studying:
Allahhumma inni astaodeeuka ma qara'tu wama hafaz-tu. Faradduhu 'allaya inda hagati elayhi.Innaka 'ala ma-tasha'-u qadeer wa anta hasbeeya wa na'mal wakeel.

O Allah! I entrust You with what I have read and I have studied. (O Allah!) Bring it back to me when I am in need of it.
(O Allah!) You do whatever You wish, and You are my Availer and Protector and the best of aid.

Dua While Studying Something Difficult:
Allahumma la sahla illama ja-'altahu sahla wa anta taj 'alu al hazana etha shi'ta sahla.

O Allah! Nothing is easy except what You have made easy. If You wish, You can make the difficult easy.

There are ahaadeeth which indicate that this is to be said at times of hardship and difficulty. All of that includes exams and other difficulties.

1 – It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever says – when leaving his house – Bismillaah, tawakkaltu ‘ala Allaah, laa hawla wa laa quwwata illa Billaah (In the name of Allaah, I put my trust in Allaah, there is no power and no strength except with Allaah), it will be said to him: You are taken care of and you are protected, and the Shaytaan will keep away from him.”

2 – It was also narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: If something upset him, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would say: “Yaa Hayyu yaa Qayyoom bi rahmatika astagheeth (O Ever Living, O Sustainer, by Your mercy I seek help).”

3 – It was also narrated from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O Allaah, nothing is easy but that which You make easy and You can make hardship easy if You will.”

4 – It was narrated that Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The prayer of Dhu’l-Noon when he was in the belly of the fish: ‘Laa ilaaha illa Anta, subhaanaka inni kuntu min al-zaalimeen (There is no god but You, glory to You, verily I was one of the wrongdoers).’ A Muslim never calls upon his Lord with these words concerning any matter, but his prayer is answered.”

References for the above:

[1]Narrated by Abu Dawood, 5095; al-Tirmidhi, 3426; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
[2]Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3524; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 3182.
[3]Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, 3/255; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 2886.
[4]Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3505; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 1644.